Archive for the ‘. . . B.S. Antics’ Category

~ Riding Season Is On, 2012 ~   3 comments

IMG_9040_PS2_Logo

I’m cruising westbound through dusk along #3hwy comin into Wallacetown, speed limit ‘a 60k, so I kicks it down a cog. I’m headin North from here to Dutton on Curie Rd., kick it through ta second and lean into the corner, swing on the throttle a wee bit coming off the turn with a comfortably contented smile on me face. Some might say more of an impish evil grin.

Easing that short bit through town till near onto the 80kph zone when again, swingin from the throttle, this time a tad more monkeyish. Feeling the acceleration, spank it into the big onion enjoying the feel ‘a my azz pushed easily into the crease ‘a the saddle. There is a moment with that sheepish grin still garnishing my kisser, when does come the realisation that the very tone of the engine seems to sound a bit … well … a tad high for an 80k zone.

With certainty, and with naught need to look down to the speed meter, I KNOW that I am in violation of the Law-Dawg’s Law. I look anyways, with a Chortle. A wee calm afore the storm, then full on, in yer face sinister laughter of the outlaw on the lamb. Swingin from the throttle still, a little faster yet jest fer shizz ‘n giggles, then slowly coming down to that comfortable speed. Hold it there, listen … Listen closely to the tone of the engine at 95, let it sink indelibly in my minds ear … VIOLA!!!!!    Cruise control, still grinning like an happy idiot.

‘150’ kilometres of this insanity, round trip with an pleasant visit to friends in London on this day, March 7th, 2012

Somebody has got to do it …

 

 

 

Riding Season is On!!!

 

 

 

 

      

~ Public Pizzer Parade ~   11 comments

 

From the extreme shy guy to the Drunken Shwauncy Shwinger, there’s a place for every man in the Public Pizzer Parade. Don’t bother tryin ta look up ‘shwauncy’, cause I just made it up. If shwauncy were in the dicfictionary, it’s definition would read somethin along the lines ‘a boorishly self-indulgent to the tenth power with a good healthy lot of gorilla thrown into the mix. There’ll be a test later, so try not ta ferget that.

The poor sot whose first choice for a fine dining out experience is at some roadside greasy spoon on account they’s facilities are generally a one man water closet with a locking door. At very least, he can probly jam ‘is boot up agin the door while he takes care ‘a business. He’s the extreme shy guy, and puts you in mind of a character on Bonanza whom no-one ever sees goin fer a pizz. He’s a devout Leafs fan who’s never bin to a hockey game, no wonder why. When with no choice other than a multi stall pizzer, he’ll cross ‘is legs near til the juice is runnin down his thigh afore he slithers along the wall to the first empty crapper stall he sees, duck tapes all ‘a the cracks in the cubical so’s No-One sees his junk. He’s the guy never flushes, nor washes ‘is hands on account every other Dick is touched they’s penis, and may well ‘a pizzed on they’s own fingers right before touchin the flush handle, and faucet. The anxiety is probly such that he subconsciously squeezes the stream off to a painful dawdling dribble keeping him there three, four, mayhap five times longer than need be. There’s no doubt this guy’s looking at his own self while pizzin, telepathically giving his unit a little encouragement. “Come on big fella … let’s get ‘er done so’s we can get the hell out ‘a here!!”  A problem only to his own self, a rapid shake, and he’s out ‘a there.

Yer regular shy guy likes ta keep an eye on the public pizzer door when he feels the urge comin on, and plans his trips to a time when there won’t be many other fellas in there. Certainly a low enough number such that everyone can pizz comfterbly at every other stall. You can near hear an audible sigh of relief if’n he sees, and can beat that other shy guy to a corner stall what he can kind ‘a turn into the corner better keeping his junk concealed from view. He’s mayhap bin to a couple ‘a hockey games, but just as likely to ‘a missed that all important tie breaking goal. He’s no so much afraid someone might reach out ‘n grab his junk, he just don’t like the thought ‘a some guy gettin near enough ta catch a peak at it. A little paranoid, and most probly a wee tad homophobic. He’s probly lookin at a dot on the wall, or checkin out the grout job whilst whistling Dixie in effort to distract attention from his Johnson. Bettin on this guy to wash his hands would be much akin to bettin on the flip of a coin. Although, if’n he distracts his own self more than the onlookers and inadvertently flushes, it’s a safe bet that he will.

 The conscientious, or somewhat germ phobic pizzer reads, and follows all the instructions. He even washes his hands afore goin fer that pizz bein sure to hang on to a piece ‘a paper towel fer when he flushes. A wee mumble of “right on!!” will be heard if’n he haps across one ‘a they public pizzers with they automagic flush actuators. Ya gots ta Love that technology!! He prefers havin an empty stall betwixed he and the fella next, but will be ill at ease with whatever empty stall is available. Three good shakes ta get that last drop ‘a dew off ‘a the end ‘a the lily, and it’s off to the wash basin. Lather rinse and dry, again being sure to hang on to a piece ‘a towel to shut off the faucet, and as well to open the door on the way out. This is another dude you’ll not likely see at a hockey game, cause damn!! Who knows what nature ‘a germs there might be in that pizzer just waitin ta jump out, ‘n have way of ya by the short ‘n curlies.

He’s humble with an equal amount of confidence, and has ta shoot a pizz. No hidden agenda, no fear, and he’s not making a production of it. He’s a man on a mission! He’s yer run ‘a the mill Bill, and is as comfterble in a public pizzer as he is at home. He might wait for the line-up ta dwindle down, but quite comfy pizzin at the hockey game during intermission, and not to likely ta miss any ‘a the action for it. A couple ‘a quick shakes, and will most likely wash his hands unless there’s a line-up at the sinks. He’s the envy of the shy guys and the germ phobics, all of whom wish they could be just like him.

“How about that Leafs game last night” is how this fella generally starts with the small talk, and is the fella I’d most like ta turn towards and say, “yeah … how bout that game!!” whilst pizzin down his leg. This mook is the conversationalist, and figures it’d be productive ta introduce his-self, and engage in a little chit chat while he’s nothing better ta do with his dick in his hands. Ya know that chatty Cathy you can never seem ta get away from til ya’ve said “see ya later” a  trice dozen times?? There ya are getting the denim dragon tucked back into it’s lair, and buddy is worked way wantin ta know “how goes it with the wife ‘n kids??” He’d probly have the entire facility at the arena to his-self ceptin that no-one knew he was there til it was too late. He’s an excessive shaker, and probly only washes his hands if’n there’s someone ta chat with at the next sink.

The trumpeter is a fella what has ta prepare for a trip to the public pizzer. A couple ‘a three chilli dogs, and one ‘a they big gulp mugs ‘a carbonated soda has this fella prepped, and ready ta go. He’s a show-off, so you’ll know when it’s comin cause he always hikes up one azz cheek, curls his lip, and grits his teeth right afore that resounding blast ‘a azz gas escapes engulfing an area six pizzers wide. With a cloud ‘a grey green methane gas enough ta heat a small city, and toxic enough ta send his neighbouring pizzers away choked off half way through they’s task, this dude’s sigh of relief lets all others know, he’s a happy camper. The louder the prouder is this boys motto and he’s probly touched cloth more times than my incontinental father.  For most part when at the game, he does at very least have the decency ta squeeze in betwixed a few fellas sporting the visiting team jerseys. No tellin if’n this fella will wash his hands or not, but he may well need ta wipe his azz before he leaves.

Look out kiddies, cause here he comes. He’s the Shwauncy Shwinger!! He’s loud, he’s proud, and everybody knows he’s there. Generally he’s a large lad thinks he’s hung like a moose, and he’s full ‘a juice. He’s not a show-off by intent or design, just a boorish lout by nature. As a tot, he probly twisted all the arms off ‘a his sister’s Barbie dolls just cause he could. He smells like a locker room, is a puck hog, and thinks that somehow the word team is spelled with an capital “I”. In his defence, there is indeed an “M” and an “E” in team, so he’s got it covered whichever way ya looks at it. This is the guy who’s undoing his fly as he passes through the public pizzer door announcing “Stand Aside Lads … Tanker Load, Comin Through!!”, and is shwingin his manly manhood in hand halfway to the urinal. Heaven forbid you should be in front ‘a this Neanderthal should there be a line-up on account he’d be just as likely ta pizz in yer pocket. The shwauncy shwinger don’t shake it when he’s done, he just gives it a crack agin the side ‘a the urinal to the tune of a resounding THUD!!! His idea of washing hands is pizzin on his fingers, and wiping ‘em on some unsuspecting germ phobic’s shirttails. Just cause he can!! The shwauncy shwinger has season tickets, never misses a game, and still misses the old trough he so loved at the Gardens. Ah yes … The good ole days.

This dear folk, brings us to the Sandy Clause float of the Public Pizzer Parade. The one ya all bin waitin on the side ‘a the road for. … You guessed it!! The Drunken Shwauncy Shwinger. This guy is all over the board, he’s rude, crude, drunk as the proverbial skunk, and could be anyone from the extreme shy guy, big or small, right the way through to the Shwauncy Shwinger with a blood alcohol level higher than his shoe size. This drunken lout is an entire truck-load ‘a unpredictability, and should be kept an eye on at all times. He’s got four blurry eyed doors ta choose from, so gals … don’t be surprised if’n ya catches ‘im in the woMen’s facilities. He’s no doubt got his zipper lizard in hand afore even getting to the door, and after busting through the door giving his self a big ole goose egg on his forehead, there’s no tellin what this fool might do with his tool. He may indeed make it to the urinal where he’s just as likely ta be hangin on to his own shirttail while pizzin his pants, could be pizzin in someone’s pocket, or admiring his self in a mirror thinkin … “Hey!!! What a great idea puttin a mirror right there above the pizzer!!”  He’s the coolest bloke on the block, and believes everybody loves ‘im. He’s talkin up a storm, doin his very best ta outdo the trumpeter (generally resulting in a pant-load), and is even bin known ta mistake the urinal fer a shyter. This drunken dolt never washes his hands, and a night out to the Leafs game is never complete lest he wakes up the next mornin in soiled trousers with a black eye and a bloody fat lip. “Wow!! Must ‘a bin a great night last night.” Unlike the extreme shy guy who’s a problem to no-one but his own self, this Drunken Shwauncy Shwinger is everybody’s problem.

There’s only one rule at da’Bunker …

Rule (1) – If’n ya has ta pee, pee on a tree. If’n ya has ta poo, take it with you.

Bin a splash kiddies. Now, if’n ya’ll will escuse me, I’ve ta go fer a pizz.

 

                         dog_dakota_his_duty_fire_hydrant_hg_clr

Catch me later

Ciao Fer Now …

~ Mine … All Mine!!!! ~   3 comments

 

 

Another make hungry video??? Sure … Why not?? Tis a little video Sam ‘n I had done some time ago. Back about the same time as all that Pork Swine Pig Flu shots warning thingy was all of hubitty-bub in the news. All of a sudden ya don’t hear another nothin else about that Pork Swine Pig Flu, now do ya??? The girls got they’s shots, the little man as well, and are all back to normal.  … I’ll tell you what!! It was gettin pretty nasally round here for a spell.

Me??? I never did get one ‘a they Pork Swine Pig Flu shots, I was a bit of a pig before all ‘a that, ‘n I spose I still am. Some things never change.

Totally unrelated of course. We’ll just call that a wee bit ‘a side-tracking, more of an observation if’n  ya will. An obvious wee digression is jest what it is.

So yeah!! Sam had made busy baking pretty much the entire day. And Me?? Well, I made busy drooling the entirety of the day. After seeing all this delicious goodness splayed out on the table like that, this video just seemed the right thing to do , fer the jest of it, and we even teasingly e-mailed it off to a couple ‘a folk. Folk, coincidentally, who might otherwise think they could lay claim to such delightfully delectable goodness. Ya gots ta nip these things in the bud I tell ya, er next thang ya knows, there ya sits with an empty pie plate, still droolin.

A wee bowl ‘a chocolate puddin, two chocolate puddin pies, a blueberry pie, an upsidy down pineapple cake, and one good deep erectangle apple pie.

Like I’ve often enough said …

It’s all about the cake!!     Enjoy!!!

 

 

 

Posted December 14, 2010 by Archie ~Grumps~ in . . . B.S. Antics

~ That’s a Wrap!!! ~   3 comments

    cooltext35371596

I’ll not be held responsible if’n ya gets hungry

watchin this little flicka.

The intimacy betwixed a man, and his meal … 

 

 

Another long, arduous, mind numbing day with Photoshop,

wrapped up with a little Movie Maker.

But, ya gots ta love it. 

An entire day to build it, 46 seconds ta watch it.

Enjoy!!!

*grins … *

                              Au revoir

          

Posted December 2, 2010 by Archie ~Grumps~ in . . . B.S. Antics

Tagged with ,

~ It’s a Process ~   11 comments

First thangs first … ya needs a dumb azz idea. Like, I don’t know, what?? How’s about a boy in a Box?? Armed with a bottle ‘a Windex, rags, and me trusty camera perched atop it’s triplepod, off to the patio door I goes. A good enough idea ta get the windows cleaned anyways. Then of course, a couple ‘a pictures ‘a the television set on account that it’s a boy in a “Box” after all.

IMG_8044     IMG_8049

Yer seein where I’m goin with this are ya?? Ya kind ‘a have ta have a mental picture of how you want the composition in order to do the self portrait. I knew I wanted to appear as though pushing up agin the inside of television screen, and while taking multiple pics, I don’t know how many pics, decided on a pose i thought might allow me to have me wee nugget breaching the confines.

Some goofin about to get the groundwork done, and next thang ya know’s, yer lookin at the rough drafted. A little bit ‘a more thought, some image Goggling, and a boy has Donald Duck in there laughin at ‘im. Oh!! … Did I say Donald?????    I meant Daffy. No, Wait !!!! That ain’t even a frickin duck fer quap sakes!!! Baseboard would be handy too come ta think of it. Snapped a picture of the baseboard in the bedroom, cut it out, pasted, ‘n worked it in. Nice touch, don’t ya think??

IMG_8049_Man in an box 3     IMG_8049_Man in an box 5

I’m wantin a different background. Somethin brighter, with life, a little pizazz, a little more fun!!!
A little bit ‘a more image Googering, some cutting, bending, fitting of bits, and we have options.

Cafe, Subway     parlor background

IMG_8049_Man in an box 6     IMG_8049_Man in an box 8

Tie goes to the artist … I Likes This One!!!

IMG_8049_Man in an box 8

Hey!!   Who’s that tryin ta break out ‘a the TV set??

Why, That’s … Meeee!!!    Meeee!!!   Meeee!!!   Meeee!!! 

Label it, and table it …

The better part of a day at play.

That Silly Wabbit!!!

 

 

 

If interested in seeing other Photoshop projects …

 

 

 

 

Posted November 25, 2010 by Archie ~Grumps~ in . . . B.S. Antics

Tagged with

~ At The Car-Wash ~   6 comments

IMG_6193_In the Woods Self, da' Bunker, Masked, Re-Sized

It’s a BEAUtiful sunshiny Sunday Afternoon at da’ Bunker!!

The Car is bin washed, and they two hicks is settin back, chillin, admiring, and chucklin at they’s reflection in the bumper. Should I take this opportunity ta mention somethin bout small thangs, small minds?? … Mehhh!!

One ‘a they hicks says to ta’ other ‘a they hicks, somethin to the order ‘a, “Wouldn’t that make for a nice picture?? We should get our cameras out.”

The ensuing video, with an candid stretch what Sam had no clue I’d put my camera into ‘Movie Mode’, is the culmination of our photographic session.

I do hope ya’s enjoy.

Take good care … Peace.

 

  

Posted June 12, 2010 by Archie ~Grumps~ in . . . B.S. Antics

~ Four, Twenty {420} ~   9 comments

 

     I bin Abducted By Aliens!! … 420 … Peace.   

       420 Alien & Me 2_2

  

Posted April 20, 2010 by Archie ~Grumps~ in . . . B.S. Antics