~ 310 BELL ~   2 comments


Scanned, and cropped from top left corner, page two of my latest “BELL” phone bill!!

{Bill date, March 10, 2010}

310 BELL

For more information, please contact us at 310-BELL???


Looks pretty danged straight forward to me kids. And here I thought credit cards was bad. What are we dealin with here fer quap sakes?? Racketeers??

An “Bulletin Board FYI Message” as politely put as if’n ta let ya know the shyter is vacant. I spose in this particular case, the “FYI” must surely stand for


Customer service at it’s finest.

Multiple choice. What are they REALLY saying here?? …

a)   if you fall to financial straights at all, please cancel your service, IMEDIATELY .. Dickhead.

b)   should you continue service after falling to financial straights, bend over in preparation to take it Dry, and Hard. PUCKER UP BUTTWAD!!!

c)   if you’re a dumb-azz, loss track of time, and come in with payment a couple ‘a days late, you deserve to slip on, and fall into a fresh steamy heap of your own shyte, Azzwipe.

d)   if you can afford to go on vacation at bill paying time, you can also afford to pay US a little more, ya philandering Mook.

e)   all of the above … you freak azz delinquent.


Alrighty then!!  If’n y’all will escuse me, I gots ta git, ‘n get this phone bill paid afore “Bell” tears me out a brand spankin new azz-gasket ta shyte from.

goo9_div_fushia copy   

OK!! I has a question … Let’s see here … 310 BELL???

**beep beep beep    beep beep beep beep **

Hello.. he..  he.. hello .. is .. are.. Shyte!!

**beep **

Could I.. are you.. Quap!!

**beep **

Is there.. he.. he.. hello.. Dammit!!!

** beep **

can I.. would you.. Holy Hanna in Hades Man!!!

** beep **

** ringy dingy .. ringy dingy **

**All our customer service agents are busy at the moment. Your call is important to us, so please stay on the line, and you will be connected to a service agent .. in a couple ‘a days **

*** SLAMMMM ***


3% per month X 12 months = 42.58% per annum!!

{100 + 3% + 3% + 3% + 3% … So Ok!! … add that 3% twelve times, and you’ll see that the Bellculator is factoring in the compounding interest. Mystery solved. }


Take good care, get yer bills paid on time, ‘n enjoy …

      Ciao Fer Now …



Posted March 23, 2010 by Archie ~Grumps~ in ~ Dark Side Blobs ~

2 responses to “~ 310 BELL ~

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  1. Careful, Grumps….I worry bout you blowin\’ a gasket or sumpthin\’…..is the phone system a monopoly up there, or can you tell \’em to "stuff it" and get sombody friendlier to hook up yer phone? We had "Ma Bell" as our only option for a LONG time… Nothin\’ to do but pay her, or raise a big ol\’ Stink and change the damn system. Now, I wonder who we know that could raise a good ol\’ fashioned Ruckkas? (winks at ya) Later Tater.Karma

  2. ~Karma~ … There are other providers Karma, problem bein that it’s all Bell’s equipment. If’n ya has a problem, you’d have ta go through your people, who in turn go through bell, who naturally put you behind they’s own customers in the order of priority. When someone does show up, there’s not the same concern of making things right. Bin there, done that with Internet service. My gasket is still healing from that one. … Ouch!!

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