~ Ode To Woman ~   17 comments




Thankfully, beauty is easier to remove than apply. A swipe of demaquillage in the right direction, and you are you once again.

Margaret Cho, weblog, 01-27-04


              Had a bud show up this morn, so took me brew out ta the java joint, and the two of us was watchin a little TV and just generally yuckin it up bein the class clowns what we can by times be. Caught a bit ‘a news what’s always good fer a few laughs, an half hour of entertainment at Doto’s expense, and then, … on come the Yoga. I can’t listen to the comentory ‘a the whole thing. It drives me up the wall, nails down a blackboard, I tells ya. “Breath in, breath out, back to centre, dirty dog face down”.  I don’t care if it is three gorgeous gals doin a ton ‘a Yoga poses. If I has ta listen ta the shyte, I’d turn it off already.

        The juke box providing tunes, the glow of the screen displaying image after image of these gals doin pose after pose. Wide angle shots ‘a the three of ‘em, close-up shots of … well, close-up shots anyways, eh.  Bud ‘n me is graduated from class clowns, and moved on up the evolutionary ladder ta village Idots.  Lettin our imaginations run free, as well as verbal, accompanied by hearty, gut bustin ‘n continuous laughter. Well ya do have ta let that beast off ‘a the leash every now ‘n then … Right??

        Often enough while I’m observing something, my mind wanders to the conformity of societies standards. Gals … I’ll tells you what! I sure as hades wouldn’t wanna have ta go through all ‘a the preening bullshyte such as the nature, ‘n amount ‘a torment you guys put yerselves through on a daily basis, simply ta conform ta the norm!! All ‘a the shavin ta start with. Legs, armypits, mayhap moustaches. Furry bellies, hairy chests, who knows what all goes on there??  All ‘a the plinkin of eyebrows, little chin hairs. Any ‘a you women folk sportin a natural set ‘a Elvis burns??? Shit Man!!! I’m all wore out here already!!! And now too, there’s the grooming of the pubes. Designer landing strips if ya will.  Then there’s the powdering, perfuming, softening, base coat, colour coat. Smudgin, stroking, highlightin, liftin, seperatin … Ohhhh, come on Man!!! I Can’t Take Any More Already!! I’d be passed out at this point. Is no freakin wonder it takes gals so frickin long ta ready up fer ta go anywhere’s.

              Hurry up already, will ya!!!!!!

        I’’m watching these three gals on the TV, enjoying the program quite more than I should ought to I spose. Me ‘n bud was havin just way too much fun, should be illegal ta have that much fun!!  These gals are attractive. They’s skin looks soft, supple, smooth, perfectly groomed. Perfectly hairless. Not even any ‘a the tiniest wee bit a tell tail speckle. Not to omit of course, they’s quite physically healthy lookin as well.

        I starts ta wonderin, what if?” What if the norm were to not??? What if the norm where such that women could wake up in the mornin, advance into, ‘n welcome the day without all ‘a this mind numbing riga-ma-role??? I make mention ‘a this thought wanting to share my moment of inspiration ‘n all. So now, here we two are, both our minds locked in on the same single track within our complex, ’n severely multi railed minds while transfixed by the glowing images afore us.

The imaginative visualizations begin!! The hairy legs, the hairy arms. Fuzzy bellies, moustaches, a little chest hair, ‘n mayhap even a goatee. Sideburns maybe, a bit ‘a hair on the shoulders perhaps. Oh, ‘n check out the neatly braided armypit hair there!!  And, so’s not to omit of course, a bichin waft ‘a gnarly pubis flora bustin out the top and sides ‘a the ever so brief, ‘n snugly fit shorts. … Oh yes kiddies, it was quite the picture. Ya truly had ta be there ta fully appreciate it. It was truly a vision from Hell by taday’s societal norms.


        If however, this was indeed the societal norm … Gals!! … We men would still know that you’s are the most beautiful creatures ta ever grace the face of this earth. Oh, and given societies standards are as such … I would like ta thank each ‘n every single one of you’s fer all ‘a yer efforts in keepin us barbarians with a smile on our collective faces. Your commitment is duly noted ‘n appreciated.

  Whether we tells ya, er not!!


Ode’ to Woman …

Here’s to woman, creature divine.

Buds every month, ‘n bares in nine.

She’s the only creature this side ‘a hell,

What can get the cream from the nut,

Without breakin the shell.

Author Unknown



Have a wonderfully happy day. Will catch ya’all later.                      

Ciao Fer Now …



Posted February 19, 2007 by Archie ~Grumps~ in . . . B.S. Antics

17 responses to “~ Ode To Woman ~

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  1. Hi Archie, I haven\’t had a laugh like that for quite awhile, I was laughing so hard my eyes were wartering. I was getting quite the visual as well when you went into detail about what we of the feminine persuasion could and some of us do look like {not me though! lol} without the grooming and spiffying up. Scary stuff! I love reading your blogs, you are such a talented writer. You should write a book someday, really.  Take care and I\’ll ttyl.

  2. Lol..I like it! Kinda makes me wish that we didnt have to do all that stuff…when i sees it written down in note form like that it reminds me that we do alot…lol…so dont ever say hurry up..unless you want to see a hairy monster coming down the stairs..lol

  3. Whenever I pass the perfume counter – or pass out in front of the perfume counter…whew! – I try to remember that once, long ago, if you found a woman with all her teeth and no open sores, she was a marvel of wonder and every man had to have her.  Nowadays, I figure I ought to be happy that hygiene and diet is so reliable that people don\’t have to work hard to look ten times better than they would have a hundred years ago.  Or, I can feel sad that people have to work ten times harder to look better than they would have a hundred minutes ago…confusion, confusion.

  4. Oh dear god Arch..
    Lordy how long do you spend readin my ever loving mind at night….. hmmmmm.  LOL.. you have my kinda sense of humor but ya already knows it…. lol.
    Thanks for the belly laugh hun.. I will think of you tonight when I get streaks done in my hair… hugs hun
    love ya

  5.    Hi Arch.Sorry to hear bout your round of bad news last week.Had a family member whose an American,who served in the Vietnam war.Nice guy,until he came back.He became a thrill seeker,and that involved high power firearms and bank withdrawls,if ya know what I mean.Finally straightened out his life,to be put in prison for life.Mayor to be elected,solved a crime which my cousin didn\’t commit,and with prior records got life as a result.The mayor was known as Killing Our Crustaceans Habitat,you know the one who liked legal and illegal dumpings in New York with the barges.One week after my cousin was released he went missing,and was found dead.Poor bugger never came back the way he left.We live in a world that fights for peace.Somehow that statement,just kinda opposes itself,don\’t it?
       My space does basically teach people how to do some codes,and is humor based.Humor based because laughter is important to me,and belive laughter should be shared.Considering most of life is spent, being bit in the arse(myself and many more I\’m sure),good to laugh now and then.
       Really missed ya,when your weren\’t blobbin\’,had me thinking,you were one of the spaces\’ departed,turned the keyboard off and said frag it.Glad to see I was wrong.
       Your ability in communicating with the written is amazing,like an artist who paints on a blank canvas.If your not an author,you should be.This was another one of your mighty damn fine blobs.Enjoyed it very much.Take care and as always……..Peace.

  6. Oh my…
    Kari told me your blog was entertaining.  Good one Archie and very observant.

  7. Hey Archie!
    Well you are in the right part of the world for ladies that are all preened and pristine. I\’m a plucker, shaver a la razer, hair lighterner of the elvis burns and arms myself, and a wee lady electric shaver downtown…However if you go to say, to France, you will see more then "Underpants" if you got down to the  knickers.  A lot of Europen women to not shave (including PITS)and that goes for  some Carribean women as well!  Now for some blonde (natural) beauties, this is just fine and barely noticable, but for us darker hair ladies, OUCH!!!!!!!! She a look a like a man! NOw getting REALLY personal, ladies if you shave downtown, don\’t shave it all off! I trim her up so it\’s not a squirrels nest BUT the hair on the lady\’s part, has a function…Not only does it wisk some odour up by days end, it wisks up some juices that need a little storage space to prevent INFECTION, like say yeast infections, if you get them cronically , stop taking baths, and let her grow out a bit!!!!
    I\’ve never suffered any ailments like THAT yucky baked bread nastyness downtown YET…..

  8. Hi Archie!! My computer gave up the ghost and it took a while to get up and running again, but Im back, and glad to be here. Thanks for your Valentines day wishes, and the Huggles are always welcome. Thank You from Angela.

  9. Your more than welcome to post my comment, anytime

  10. Hi Archie:
    Just stopping by to say hello. Hope you are okay this week and hope to hear from you soon.

  11. Hi ya arch.
    OMG on the comment from Katt.. LOL.  So glad to see you getting around the MSN police by choice of words.. LOL  I am sniffling over here.. did you give me your damned cold mister.. hmmmmm
    LOL.. my tooth is all better and looks better than the original one did.. lol…… it just cracked right down the middle from the wicked cavity demon.. ha ha…. but I am fixed up and ready to party..
    meeting my friend from spaces tomorrow night.. so supper and drinkie poo\’s.. LOL.  Of course she is J\’s friend too so it is gonna be great.. talk to you later buddy

  12. Good evening sir.Sorry \’bout the delay in returning your comment.Kinda semi on and off spaces as of late.Been going to "B.A." A.K.A. Bloggers Annoynmous,and that isn\’t working,as it\’s an online service.LOL!!!Hope all is well and the world is treating you right.Peace.

  13. I am someone who prides herself in doing as little as possible to get through the day, but of course, lately I have been so busy I don\’t have time to breathe! BUT, I am a primper and a princess. I DO NOT leave my room without full makeup and hair being done. It is a crime against my household if I am not beautiful ( if only in my own mind ), and I think it is a crime against society for me to walk out of my house — unfinished.
    Glad I stopped by, today was good, tomorrow is always better….
    big hugs.

  14. Hello buddy…..
    Where did ya spring off too hmmmmmm.  Work believe it or not has been busy…. great scott there is a mystery here… LOL….. However, the boss is going on vacation as of midnight tonight…… Oh goodness I think we have solved the mystery…. LOL
    so hope to see you on MSN real soon there snookie…..
    hugs from my world

  15. Ok ..now where did you run off too?? Come back..I am going thru Grumps withdrawels here!!

  16. Hey Grumps you never seize to amaze me in what you come up with to blog about!  I myself do braid the underarm hair but throw on some beads to spruce it up "Native Style" !  Chaaaaaaaaaaaa!   *jokes*  I am in agreeance with Katt on being brunette and being \’o\’ naturel…is not too pleasing on the eye if one was to let it all go…lol. 
    But I don\’t primp, don\’t dye, no brazillan (sp?) on the landing, see can\’t even spell it, I ain\’t gonna go through the torture!  No brazillan butt here either…..it is all natural bannoch buns all the way baby!  I earned every cellulite, ripple and wrinkle!  lol.   Now as for a guy y\’all can just get up splash water on yer face and be on with your day….except those with too much money to spend and pamper themselve to the point some persnickity women do….lol…\’scuse me I must go turn my fry bread…..and slap on some jelly!
    Have a great weekend….
    {{{huggles}}}}  & Luv
    Fr Me

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